Sushila Mertens

An article, “Top Ten ADHD Traps in the Workplace and How to Avoid Getting Caught by Them” found its way to me.  I have never been tested for ADHD but I have noticed some of my behaviors are listed. It isn’t about the label, but learning how to manage the behaviors that interest me. In this article I can identify with impulsivity, time management, procrastination, and memory.  These behaviors have not contributed to my inner peace.  I really have to remember to check my calendar and figure out how much I can handle in a day before I volunteer.  I can see how hyper-focusing on a project keeps me up past a healthy bedtime or contributes to racing to an appointment.

This article helped me to identify some of my challenges to a peaceful life. What I once thought of as my personality traits may also be how my brain works.  I can focus on solutions and learn how to modify the behaviors to create peace instead of stress.

I can also apply a tapping technique to relieve the stress I create when I fall into these behaviors. Much of my anxiety is around time issues.  I don’t get it. I like what I am doing and I don’t like to stop.  Transitions are challenging.  I procrastinate on tasks I don’t like to do. Does any of this sound familiar?

So how am I doing with life and inner peace?  I assess my progress with a Level of Distress model with a rating from 0 for Peace to 10 for Extreme emotional trauma or upset.  My rating of stress has been decreasing each year bringing it down to 0 – 1 for 95%. Running late increases stress to 2. I am learning how to be on time more often.

Ten years ago, my stress level ranged more between 5 and 10. Life issues including suicide, death, parenting, work and financial issues were part of the equation.  I was taking anti-anxiety medication on and off for 10 years.  Through the Rapid Eye Technology Institute,   I was fortunate to learn skills and tools to cope with change, children leaving the nest, and changing careers. I have been drug free for over three years. Now I have the opportunity to teach others how to thrive in change and create what they would rather have.

This day is about choosing priorities – life or blogging?

I am writing every day and reviewing my thoughts and actions in my journal pages morning and before I go to sleep. The morning pages fill up easily as my thoughts, uncensored, roll onto paper.  I never know what I will be writing about.

 Typing my blog into the computer is a left brain activity – analyzing and making corrections. Rewriting and rewriting. It takes time.

I am noticing my priorities are shifting to the living of this experiment, rather than forcing myself to complete everything in the plan each day. If the main objective is to choose peace, I don’t want even this blog to detract from peace. Instead I will be kind to my body and self. Eventually, there will be 28 posts.

When I reread this blog, another part of me asks, “Does someone really live like this? It sounds unreal. How can someone play every day? Doesn’t she have to work for a living? Where are the struggles?  Is this a dream?”

It could be a dream.  Whether it is or isn’t,  I still choose my actions and reactions.

I knew I was facing a full day. I woke up early to take my walk and meditate in morning sun. I left for Unity at 9:45 to serve as PowerPoint operator. I was going to the Lightworkers after lunch but changed my plans after a phone call from a friend in need.  It worked out because Ralph only wanted to go to the evening meditation and the art show reception.

Every week I love playing with colors and painting with two women friends. We each submitted paintings to the North Columbia Cultural Center. It was my first public painting since high school.  The artist is an aspect of me that I am rediscovering.  Our connection to creativity is a matter of our openness.  Meditation is a doorway.

We arrived in time to for the evening meditation. The Stargate Transmissions expand consciousness out of the physical body and into other dimensional realities. There are no drugs involved. This may seem very strange but cultures throughout the world and history have people who have abilities to work with energy or the unseen forces of life. There are stories in the Bible of the miracles of multiplying the food, healing, and calming the wind. In our time, more people understand and teach others how to go beyond the five senses that we  are familiar with. I am stretching my belief system into other possibilities. I am preparing my body and nervous system to feel comfortable with new frequencies of energy.

Time seems to be going faster and faster, the amount of new discoveries or change increasing, we hear or connect with more news, mostly not encouraging, in a day than previous generations experienced in a lifetime. The rate of acceleration will continue to increase.

Sitting in meditation actually rests the nervous and immune systems. A state of relaxation also helps to stay in the present moment and not get caught in fear. We can  use our power to create or change events rather than becoming victims of power.

We are on the verge of a new world. Some say we are in the caterpillar stage of pupa, getting ready for this transformational shift but not quite sure what we will emerge as. We can go through this process consciously or unconsciously.  My intention is to prepare myself as consciously as I am guided

I imagine there might be some readers of this blog that might question why I bother to write this.  I can think of several reasons that motivate me:

• Developing discipline to change behaviors.
• Holding myself accountable for paying attention to my actions throughout the day.
• Cultivating inner peace to bring peace to the world.
• Improving my writing skills through practice.
• And a quote from Rainer Maria Rilke: There is only one journey; Going inside yourself. 

It is interesting how the more I pay attention, the more the universe sends me people or sayings or emails, like the one below,  that express or validate the intention of my 28 day process.

Living a transformed life is living an authentic life, an empowered life, a peaceful life. Transformation is the process of realizing our true nature. This transformational journey includes us becoming increasingly aware of our essence as well as noticing the parts of our life that no longer serve us. As we let go of those self-limiting beliefs, life becomes more abundant and clear. Like peeling away the layers of an onion attempting to reach its core, the parts of us that limit us are peeled away, allowing us to realize our true nature.    http://www.andrewschultz.info/

This morning the clock was set for 6 but I slept until 7 and rushed off to meet a friend at 8 for a mega community garage sale.  There was no time for my morning routines so I gave my attention to a centering prayer and off I went. No guilt. The intention was to search for art canvasses and to have fun and we did.

In the evening I drove with the Light Workers to the future Wisdom retreat site to celebrate Wesak, the Scorpio Full Moon. Many believe the guardians of humanity transmit the energy of enlightenment at this auspicious time. As the full moon rose over the mountains, we meditated on the union between Nature and the heavens and acknowledged the Divine in our Human Nature. It was my intention that the expansion of consciousness would anchor peace and love into the 3^rd Dimension.

Instead of connecting eye to eye, spirit to spirit, it is all the “I AM.” When we see everyone and everything as an aspect of our Divine Self, there is no need to compare ourselves as better or less than.  Each life form or person has a unique position in the universe. Each is being called to express its Truth.

If I want to live today so that on my last breathe I can say, “thank you, that was a good life, “ how do my choices support a “good life” and what is “good?”

The most interesting and passionate people are coming into my life. They are healers, visionaries, innovators, and cultural creatives. They are connected to the creative flow of the universe. Some bring forth a stream of ideas to implement. I volunteer to implement.  Then the work multiplies and starts to take over my time for reflection and nurturing my physical body.

Do my actions of taking on projects and going places lead me to or take away peace?  Am I doing the world any good if I lose my peace or health in the process?

I realize that conscious attention and non-attachment can bring peace to any situation. Unconsciousness can create pain and drama.  Any action with the best intention can cause suffering if done unconsciously.  Consciousness to the present moment with attention to both the outer happenings and the inner state is the goal. Using the tools I learned to feel my connection or oneness with the earth and the heavens is key.  Paying attention to my body, my breath, my comfort or discomfort, my feelings and intuition, spirit directs me to the necessary action to maintain the course of peace and harmony.

I seem to be catching more glimpses of how this works. If I push myself when I am tired, this goes against maintaining peace.  A well rested body is more apt to be alert and attentive to everything inside and outside. So how did I fare on Day 7?

I woke up looking forward to my morning walk and sun meditation. Even though the sun was hidden under a white blanket of chemtrails, it peaked out to say hello just as I concluded my practices. I notice I am more focused and uplifted during the day since I start my mornings differently.

This day I was out of the house from 10:45 am to 10:30 pm doing what I love best – visiting and serving. My friend will be 95 in June. I watch her facing new physical and mental challenges and still being positive and excited about life. She rarely complains. We had lunch and shared our time sorting piles of accumulated photos, clippings, and memories of her long life.  She is thinking about her burial as a matter of shopping for a good final place to view the world. I called a few places about funeral services and burials. Without the grief of an actual death, I was able to calmly explore a subject I don’t give much thought to.

I was conscious of clock time as we talked but did not realize her clock had not sprung forward.  I maintained my calm, and somehow arrived to set up the evening event only a few minutes past the hour.  Robert Kelaghan led the group with guitar, song and circle dancing through a process of opening the heart to spirit and each other.  I can only attempt to share the depth of the experience by saying, “When I look into another’s eyes, the “I” is not my personality or body and what “I” am experiencing is an energy that is beyond personality or outer appearance of another. There is only oneness and love. I was full of gratitude for the evening, my life, and the people in it.

I chose not to post yesterday. I was out of the house from 10:45 am to 10:30 pm. I was completely full and gave myself the gift of a computer free day.

Day 1 stated a theory is that in order for thought to change reality, conscious action must follow thought. But can unconscious beliefs sabotage my actions?  Since I have been working to bring the unconscious to conscious, I processed a denial script with my peer coach Tonjia. We reprogrammed the unconscious desire to not accept change.  I have noticed this throughout my life as I reached a goal, I would back off, instead of moving forward, and start something else.  The only way to evaluate if this new belief program is successful is to watch for results.

So what exactly am I trying to change? I have been working with my life coach Pam to get clarity. What do I really want in my life besides peace?  There is comfort in a simple routine of eating, resting and sleeping but I don’t think that’s what I was born to do. I tend to find or create projects and service opportunities. What are my motivations in my choices?  I enjoy change and newness. I like learning new things. When I explore deeper, I see fear of being boring.

So my assignment is to explore boring.  Something boring to one person can be another person’s passion. Boring can be a lack of interest, excitement or energy.  So am I concerned about being boring to others or to myself?

I can’t control or be concerned if others think me boring. Everyone is different.  I have uncovered a fear of becoming bored. After my dad died, mom felt she had no purpose left to live. She had no interests or hobbies. She was unwilling to try anything new. Was she bored? Depressed? Hopeless? All of the above.
I doubt that would be my end. Time to let it go.

Many years ago, I worked through Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, including an exercise of imagining my funeral and what I want to be remembered for.  The object is to be clear about personal values, including a mission statement and goals so that we reach the end point we desire.  I have done this several times including reading my eulogy to a group. Clarity comes and goes;  it’s up to me to pay attention to our meeting.

Reading over the last 4 days, I wondered about this experiment. I heard my mother and sister saying, “Stop thinking so much. Just forget it and be happy.”  There’s a lot of truth to those words. And… I also find more lasting peace in thinking through things and understanding on multiple levels.

The time of introspection brought me to being grateful  for last night’s meal with people I care about. I have a different feeling about my Facebook obsessions by understanding how behavior is created by the designers. I feel more empowered to let go of this craving to check in. I can choose differently.

Today I participated in a Gather the Women Writing Circle facilitated by Diane Covington. I had heard about her classes and had wanted to expand my creativity. My critical voice popped up after reading my first piece; I quickly let it go and relaxed. I will remember the quote Diane shared from John O’Donohue: “We need . . . to treat ourselves with great tenderness.”  I explored her interview with John. He says, ” Self-examination in the U.S. seems to involve lengthy visitations to the laboratory of feelings. Feelings are analyzed backwards and forwards, upwards and downwards. I would not start there at all. I would look at thinking. A simple thing to do is to realize, as I said earlier, that everything we see, understand, know, and feel is filtered through the lens of thought.”  I have to wonder if the universe is validating me today.

After an evening meeting, I needed down time and watched an episode of The Good Wife. I enjoyed the puzzle solving rather than the usual blood and violence of the other crime shows. My blog had still not posted. I was conscious to add another layer of clothes and drink a cup of tea. And yes I watched the clock tick past midnight and 1:00 am. I was also pleased that I posted and was able to stop myself from doing more.

I had lived another peaceful day.

I woke up and grabbed my pen to write my dreams down. I have a very active dream life. But instead of writing down dreams, this blog took over. I knew I needed at least an hour to stick with the plan but would not be able to get to Sunday service in time. I chose to write, stick with the plan, and stay home today. It felt good. No stress. I even pulled the hammock out and Ralph helped set it up. It’s been a long time since I enjoyed the hammock. One more thing to add to my list of happy thoughts.

So what is a happy thought? To me happy thoughts are those that bring me peace. I feel peace when my mind is focused, maybe even empty, and not racing or frantic, my body is feeling healthy and free of pain, life is good. Happy thoughts help me to remember the positive side of life instead of staying focused on our culture of fear.

I even pay more attention to world events and politics now; however, I listen and watch the news with a better understanding of propaganda and manipulation rather than taking everything to be true as it is reported. I also believe there are far more positive people and actions in the world than will ever be reported in mainstream news. It is a belief that compassion and kindness does not sell or make profits. If I remember that money is behind every man-made event, institution, or law, including war, genetic engineering, weather modification, religions, prisons, equality of women, cancer and other diseases, then I can separate the reported facts from emotion and retain my peace. I might want to actually investigate an issue and see who supports it or has power to change a law. I take action to call my senator or representative. They may not agree. But I did my part.

I feel happy and peaceful when I consciously use the money I have to walk my talk and support good health for my body and the planet as much as I can. Personally and as a member of the Women’s Grassroots Congress, I support groups or candidates that have values of respecting all life, cooperation, education and peace. I avoid plastic and one time use paper products, and unnecessary junk in my life. It’s true I still drive a car and fly on airplanes that run on petroleum. And I hope I chose the most affordable best mileage car to make the least impact.

I keep a Things that make me Happy List. It reminds me to do these things instead of being busy or just watching TV. It reminds me that I am happy and to give thanks and appreciation for life. Do I really want to do this? Yes I do. Because the more I focus on the positive and good in my life, I actually see my life getting more positive and enjoyable.

So how did the rest of Day 2 go? I was genuinely happy and loving. Enjoyed a delicious dinner cooked on the barbecue by Ralph. About 8:00pm I turned on the computer to work on some projects and check my emails. My being was totally in my head and I lost my intention to pay attention. Five hours later I was cold, stiff, and tired. I’ll blog about it tomorrow.