Move-Out Masterpiece Pasta

Behold, the Move-Out Masterpiece Pasta. Using the very last ingredients in my apartment, I created the most delicious meal of my cooking career. Read on for the recipe.


-Whatever pasta that’s left, I had Capellini and pesto tortellini
-The remainder of half & half carton
-1/5 jar of pesto
-Some Muenster cheese (or whatever cheese you have left)
-2 tomatoes, but throw 1 away because it’s sour
-1/4 old onion of questionable edibleness
-A few cloves of garlic
-Olive oil


1. Boil pasta in a pasta boiling pot
2. Burn garlic and olive oil in garlic burning sauce pan
3. Add onions
4. Pour in whatever is in the half & half carton
5. Add some flour
6. Crumble some cheese into the mixture
7. Add more flour because it doesn’t look thick enough
8. Add tomatoes
9. Freak out because you added too much flour and now the “sauce” looks like a giant glob of ooze
10. Calm down and add some olive oil, water, and pesto until viscosity reduces to an acceptable level
11. Also try turning up heat to melt stuff more better

And that’s it, just add the sauce to your pasta and you have an absolutely delicious and possibly heart attack inducing meal. Serve with a warm beer if your refrigerator is de-icing outside.

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